What Can Cisgender Grown Ups Do?
Look, I'd rather talk about the weirdos of the early 1900s who influenced educational ideals, but I live in the world.
Statistically, most of the people reading this are cisgender adults. Many of you have children. Most of you probably know and like children (I mean, if not, I am not sure what you are getting out of this newsletter, but I am genuinely glad you’re here anyways, carry on!).
I’m a transgender father. I’m a member of a queer family. I birthed a whole entire human and have now, for some reason, taken responsibility for educating that human too. Being queer and trans is an integral part of my life in every possible way. I don’t write about that in this space much. How come? Well, it’s boring to me, for one. Another thing is that I did a lot of survival freelance writing when my kid was very young, and that involved writing a lot of emotionally intense essays for not enough money and I am still recovering from the trauma of trading that kind of intimacy for paying the electric bill.
In my newsletter, I write about the weird things that strike my fancy! A lot of those things are education related. Maybe someday I’ll write about baking bread, who knows! Life is long and strange.
But look, we’ve gotta talk about about the attacks on trans kids. We’ve gotta talk about drag bans. We’ve gotta talk about people who want to demonize families like mine and make it unsafe for us to live… anywhere. I personally find it triggering as hell and it makes me want to hide under a rock in the forest, but they tell me that’s not an ideal way to raise a child.
I’m kidding! Mostly…
So if you are a grown up who likes kids and wants trans people (including trans children) to be safe and well and feel sort regular or even good sometimes, here are a few things you can do!
1. Contact your local legislators.
If there’s a bill in your area to ban drag storytime or kick trans girls out of sports, or especially if you live in one of the places where they are trying to (or have successfully) banned transition care for minors… you need to contact your legislators. Tell them you think it’s nonsense and that trans kids aren’t a threat to anyone, and that parents of trans kids aren’t forcing their kids to transition, and that drag story time is great, actually. If you are a straight Christian who thinks these things, tell them! Don’t let the narrative be that only “those weirdos” want trans girls to be able to play sports. Speak up.
Even if there isn’t an urgent reason to speak up in your area, you can still make your voice heard. I guarantee you the people who want us all dead or back in the closet are doing so.
2. Stop giving money to virulent transphobes.
I’m really sorry to tell you this, but yes, buying Harry Potter Lego sets is giving money to a virulent transphobe. And She Who Shall Not Be Named has been very clear that she considers the fact that people still pay money for all manner of shit related to her books proof that her views aren’t actually unpopular.
3. Talk to the kids in your life about gender identity and transgender people.
My favorite picture book for this is It Feels Good To Be Yourself which honestly is a great primer for adults who are confused by trans people as well. There are also a lot of great books about trans kids out in the world now! Read them! If your local library doesn’t have them (assuming you live in a place where they are allowed…) request them at your local library so others can read them too.
But reading books isn’t the only way we can talk to kids, you can also just talk to them. You can explain to them that while our culture does often expect us to guess a person’s gender and pronouns by looking, you really don’t know for certain without asking. When you talk to your kid about genitals you can include the fact that not all boys have the same genital configuration, not all girls have the same genital configuration, and nonbinary and intersex people exist. I find that a lot of otherwise progressive parents repeat some really harmful ideas about gender and bodies to their kids, and guess what? That makes it harder for those kids to understand the truth, which is that trans people exist!
4. Be nice to trans people and teach the kids in your life to do the same.
We are having kind of a rough time lately! Treat us with basic respect, use our pronouns and correct names, apologize when you screw up without making it all about you.
5. Be the squeaky wheel in spaces that aren’t as inclusive as they ought to be.
A lot of progressive spaces don’t make any moves to be truly inclusive of trans folks until a transgender person complains. It is exhausting to have to self advocate constantly! Cis people can go a long way towards making the world safer and better for us by being the one to speak up with things like “I notice we don’t have a gender neutral bathroom, can we fix that?” on their own.
This really isn’t complicated. But I need y’all to show up.